Debrief

I can confirm that I have a phone addiction

During the week, I found myself automatically opening the Instagram app. I would realise instantly what I was doing and close the app straight away. But the impulse has been there at least once a day. It really shows the addiction I have to the app… When I’m bored and don’t know what to do. Instead of thinking about a productive or creative thing to do, I unconsciously choose to occupy my mind with instant dopamine.  

I was bored…

This time I was more bored than last October. Probably because then, I used my computer to learn about coding, so I could satisfy my curiosity and occupy myself with sewing. This time, since I don’t use the internet at all, I can’t really learn about new things. I don’t have access to a library or book store. My current accommodation doesn’t have a table that I can use to sew, the only table is an old, small, wooden table that has chips all over that would damage any fabric I would put on top of it. 

Instead, I have been spending my mornings reading and afternoons hiking. Both are things that I truly love the most in life, yet I found myself bored every day, especially in the mornings or when it got dark in the evenings. 

Limited creativity

As you may have read in the Pleasure vs. Happiness article, boredom is important when you want to stimulate your creativity and mind. A week later I don’t know if I can say I have been more creative. I have thought about many topics, but without overthinking too much, which is a good thing for me. I did use that week to take videos and photos to plan creative content, but not as much as I thought I would. 

Frustration?

I have also had no way to reward myself, and getting rewards is important to keep you motivated. But with my whole budget going to next month’s rent, I can’t decide to just spend money on a reward like a book or waterproof hiking shoes. Creating a finished product that I sew myself is a reward itself, but I would need to find a way to organise a working space in my current accommodation and I haven’t found the inspiration or motivation. 

Hello anxiety 

I have also been “slightly” stressed about finding a job, so this probably affected my perception of how my week went… I guess month-to-month survival is anxiety-inducing… Who would have thought ?

But it is important to note that quitting the internet is really helpful to reduce anxiety. In fact, as times goes by, I feel more anxiety by being on Instagram and Youtube than dopamine. I guess the next step is to actually stop opening the apps unless there is something that I really want to see.

Success

I am proud to say that I didn’t use the internet this whole week (except for the GPS and finding hiking trails). Even though I had the impulse to click on the Instagram app logo, I closed it straight away without checking it out. I also didn’t miss any of the content that was posted on different websites or accounts. It was more of an unconscious action than a true desire to open it and check on people. 

I do think that when I do another week without the internet, I will prepare beforehand with either books about subjects I want to learn about and prepare an organised space to do crafts and creative activities.

Self-introspection and development 

During this week, I wrote an entry in my journal about a subject that I thought about a lot during my life, something that is very sensitive for me and that brings me a lot of frustration, and sometimes sadness. This week, I finally put it in writing, and it didn’t feel as daunting as I thought it would. I never wanted to write about it because I felt like it was something that made me abnormal. But now I feel more at peace with it, I understand that it does not define my worth, that it is something that I just have to accept and move on from in order to evolve.

Without any distractions, I could only be with myself during those 7 days, and as a result, I did a lot of introspection. Disconnecting from outside influence is one of the only ways you can truly learn about yourself, who you are, what you want, and what you need. This week, as I said, I was bored often, and I think that it was necessary for me to realise that, even though looking for a job and starting at a new workplace makes me extremely anxious and fills me with self-doubt, it is inevitable and out of my control. Maybe I could actually look forward to it in the right conditions. 

My previous bad experiences are all linked to the same sector : business (which is also the subject of my degrees). And yet, in the last two years, I have studied and looked for jobs in the digital/web sector. Why ? Remote working, freedom to move, good salary. But then, every time I looked at job opportunities, the ball of anxiety in my stomach was loud! The message was clear in retrospective : it was my body’s way, my intuition, telling me that I was not looking in the right place. I’ll not go into details here because it is not the subject of this article.