In the pursuit of happiness, we often seek short-term pleasures as quick fixes for our emptiness.
However, after reading this article, you will understand the paradox of pleasure versus happiness, how the pursuit of instant gratification can lead to long-term dissatisfaction.
By exploring the neuroscience behind pleasure and happiness we will uncover the true path to genuine contentment and fulfilment.
When small pleasures are keeping us from happiness
I remember that every time I had to make a wish, whether it be because I saw shooting stars or because I was blowing candles, I would always wish to “be happy”. For fourteen years, the only thing I dreamed of was to finally find happiness.
But before I actively started finding out what happiness was, I had no idea what the concept of happiness was. I knew that, to me, it meant being content with my life, and that is the true definition of happiness, however, I was wrong about what I thought would bring me contentment.
Past me thought I would need to own my own house, in the countryside of Scotland, with a cool job that I loved, with dogs and other animals. I would have time for my hobbies and enough money to travel, buy things that I liked (hello marketing), and never be stressed about paying bills.
And yet, when I was halfway through those goals, I didn’t feel 50% happier than before I did. No matter what I did, it was never enough.
In the end, I started researching happiness, and here are the lessons I learned.
1. Pleasure vs. Happiness
Paradoxically, pleasure can be considered the opposite of happiness. Sometimes it is even detrimental to your pursuit of happiness. We can differentiate the two as follows:
- Pleasure and happiness are linked to different neurotransmitters in our brains. The first is linked to dopamine whereas the second is linked to serotonin. When dopamine (pleasure) gets mixed with cortisol (stress), your brain will crave an instant reward. This is what causes addiction. When serotonin (happiness) gets mixed with cortisol, stress will keep you from developing serotonin. You won’t be able to feel happiness at all. This is what causes depression.
- Pleasure is a short-term feeling, also known as rewarding yourself. If you keep overstimulating your neurones with dopamine by over-indulging in dopamine-inducing activities, your brain will keep wanting more. But the more you reward yourself with short-term pleasures, the more you will develop a tolerance. In the end, you will need more and more to feel less and less pleasure.
- Dopamine-inducing activities can be: playing video games, scrolling through social media, browsing the internet, watching videos, TV series and films, video-p*rnography, shopping, drugs, alcohol, etc…
- On the other side, happiness is a long-term feeling. When you feel contentment, you don’t need more, you also can’t feel too much happiness. Serotonin can be induced by taking walks, meditating, journaling, exercising, and reflecting on your life and your goals for example.
Unfortunately, Dopamine has a bad effect on serotonin. When you seek pleasure and you over-indulge, it’ll make you more unhappy. This is why many new articles are written about how addiction to social media links to depression. Especially for young people. By scrolling endlessly on TikTok, you get more and more unhappy and end up getting depressed.
It is important to note that every species needs to perceive rewards (dopamine) regularly. Otherwise we can lose all motivation to live, you just need to learn your limits.
2. Instant gratification
Nowadays, we like to have quick results. Everything surrounding us is making it easier and easier to complete tasks, with technology for example. The consequence is that it is becoming harder to be patient. We seek instant gratification (reward) when we do an action. On the other hand, difficult tasks that result in delayed gratification, like exercising to build muscles or learning a new language, need patience and perseverance.
Hard tasks also often need focus to be completed. And in a world where we are constantly overstimulated, it is becoming more and more difficult to focus for long periods of time. Research has also proved that our brain receiving constant stimuli is linked to a decrease or total lack of creativity (creative thinking or art for example). With creativity tightly linked to boredom, you would need to be bored for at least 15 minutes before your creativity could manifest itself.
How does this relate to happiness ? Instant gratification is the same as rewards, and hence dopamine is involved. While delayed gratification from difficult tasks (long-term goals) could be related to happiness and contentment. If we don’t force ourselves to complete difficult tasks and only focus on easy objectives, we can never find happiness in our lives. We will keep developing addictions until we can’t feel happiness anymore (depression).
“True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new.“
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
3. Reset your brain
Now that we understand the bad effects pleasures and dopamine can have on our health, how can we get back on the right path ? Because the problem with addictions is that they are hard to get rid of…
First, you need to set a S.M.A.R.T. goal(s) (=specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound) that is important to you. For example, for me personally, it could be “I want to have a B2 level in Swedish in 6 months”. This goal needs to be relevant to you and what you aspire for yourself. It needs to be achievable so don’t try to be too ambitious, it will only lead to frustration or disappointment.
The process will be hard and you’ll need to put time and energy into reaching your goal. But the result, the delayed gratification, will be greater than any instant gratification you could have, you just need patience.
To be able to work on this goal, you’ll need to focus for long periods of time to achieve it. For that, you’ll need to do a Dopamine detox*.
*For addictions like drugs or alcohol, with a direct influence on your physiological or psychic health, please seek out the help of a professional who can help you with withdrawal symptoms.
Depending on your situation, motivation and capacity, plan a weekly schedule. With days where you will completely refrain from all or some of your dopamine-inducing activities. “Every two days/twice a week/once a weekend/on the weekend, I won’t use my phone or computer for the whole day”.
Yes, you may be bored, but that is the perfect time to set in motion your goal. You can also use that time to enjoy serotonin-inducing activities like going on a walk, journaling, reading or meditating. Through reflection, you’ll be able to understand yourself better. You’ll also see how many ideas you can have now that your mind isn’t subjected to receive constant stimuli.
If your addiction is linked to your phone/the internet/social media, don’t underestimate the influence notifications can have. Just seeing your phone light up with a message is enough to break your focus. Cut off ALL notifications, if necessary only keep notifications for calls. You can read about my internet detox in this article.
Even if the point is to shift from instant rewards to delayed gratification, you still need to reward yourself regularly to keep you motivated as we saw earlier. The key is to not over-indulge. So keep your rewards short, for example, 1 hour a day if you’ve been very productive. And only reward yourself after you’ve finished your tasks.
In a world overwhelmed with instant gratification, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeking fleeting pleasures to fill the void we feel inside.
Yet, as we’ve explored, true happiness doesn’t lie in the pursuit of momentary pleasures. It lies in the cultivation of lasting fulfilment through patience, perseverance, and purposeful action.
By embracing delayed gratification and focusing on meaningful long-term goals, we can unlock the door to a more fulfilling and contented life. We can reach happiness.
Notes
After reading this, can you identify patterns in your own life that could be linked to you being depressed or having depressive episodes ? Think about how you try to find fulfilment and joy in your life. Are you constantly seeking instant gratification ? Because this is definitely what I’ve been doing …
When I was young, I would finish my homework as quickly as possible so that I could reward myself by watching TV shows on my TV or my computer. It got worse as I grew older since I didn’t have homework to justify rewarding myself. Today I can easily identify my addictions, Instagram and YouTube. As I write this article, I tried to keep myself from using the internet and social media, and still, I failed once and I had to keep myself from reaching out to my phone at least half a dozen times.
This blog is the first activity I have done in many years where I don’t wish for instant gratification. I am spending a lot of time building it and it feels really good because I know why I am doing this. I don’t need a huge audience and I don’t wish to make a full living out of it. Share what I learned and help other people who might feel the same as I did (and as I still do sometimes) is all I want.
Living by my values is what will bring me contentment and happiness, not owning things (bye marketing) or having a stable professional situation. Taking the time for my hobbies like reading and going on walks with my dog are what brings me the most joy daily.